Monday, November 8, 2010

Bulletin From The Well

Ever since I got back from the trip down South to see my mother, I've been at the bottom of a CFS well.  Whenever I try to scramble up its slippery walls, the CFS gods shove me down again.  They are angry at me for traveling, for attempting to maneuver my limp mother to a more comfortable position in her bed, for resuming my regular routines after coming back.  I may have to stay quietly in the well a while, until the gods forget about me.

Meanwhile, inspired by Bridget's post,, I have made a list of good things around and in me:

1.  We're in the grip of a raging nor'easter, and the house is being pelted with sleet, snow, and freezing rain.  I am inside.

2.  Bisou is cuddled up next to me, on the fleece afghan that is now hers because a) she loves it so much, and b) she has chewed a corner of it.

3.  There is food in the fridge and freezer for a healthy dinner tonight. 

4.  Nothing hurts. 

5.  My kindly spouse will stop at the bookstore on his way back from town and pick up two books for me.  If you have a phobia of being stuck in airports without a book, you can understand mine of being bookless during a CFS relapse.  The books are Joanna Trollope's The Other Family and Sarah Waters' The Little Stranger, both of them sure to be well written while not overly taxing the brain (I lose about 30% of my mental capacity during a CFS relapse).

6.  The frustration and despair of the last few days have evaporated, and now I'm floating in a kind of Buddhist bath, having let go of desires, detached from outcomes, and anchored myself in the present which, taken moment by moment, is not all that bad. 


  1. Oh Lali - I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts and energy your way. I am glad you have a kindly spouse, a cuddly Bisou next to you, good food and books at hand, and that the depressing snow/sleet has ended - at least for now. Apparently the sun is to grace us again sometime soon, and then we can all take a deep breath. You are an inspiration to me.

  2. I'm sorry you're feeling bad, but this sounds like a near perfect way to spend convalescence of any kind.

  3. Thanks for the good thoughts, Alix, and thanks too for bringing the Red Baroness into my life.

  4. Bridgett, yes, I'm really fortunate in that way.

  5. I cannot wait to hear how you liked The Little Stranger.

  6. I like Sarah Waters a lot, and enjoyed The Little Stranger for its atmosphere and historical detail. Was a bit disappointed in the ending, but maybe I'm not used to the gothic genre. Have you read Fingersmith, by the same author? I thought it was fantastic.

  7. I have not read Fingersmith, Lali. I do have the Night Watchers though.

    I didn't mind the ending of The Little Stranger -- but it was not as strong as the rest of the book.