Some Sexual Aberrations Among Our Critters

Forgive me if I seem to have sex on the brain, but Bisou has been in heat for what seems like several months now, and it's hard to think of anything else. If we didn't have Wolfie, it wouldn't be so bad. But Wolfie, despite his neutered state, is much taken with this new phenomenon, and is glued to Bisou 24/7.

I've had to refill the dogs' water bowl more often lately, because of all the fluid that Wolfie is losing through his tongue. Not only does he lick Bisou's girl bits, but also her head and ears, her neck, the towel on which she has sat, and the floor on which she has walked. The Red Baroness goes around looking dazed and bedraggled, her hair sticking out in points all over.

People ask me if Bisou has been in "standing heat" yet--that is the relatively short period (three days in a three-week-long heat) when the female stands still for mating instead of snarling at attentive males and sending them on their way. But Bisou has never snarled at Wolfie, never sent him away. She puts up with his incessant licking, and doesn't run from his attempts to mount her (which are pretty comical, given how much taller he is). I think that her love of attention trumps her hormonal states: in her case "standing heat" is an irrelevant concept.

Speaking of irrelevant--but aberrant--concepts, did you know that not one of all our male dogs, from 95 lb. German Shepherds to 11 lb. Shitzy-Poos, has ever lifted his leg to pee? They have all, though neutered, exhibited quite macho affects--especially the Shitzy-Poo, R.I.P. But they have all, every one of them, squatted like females.

And now, for the most aberrant behavior of all: this morning, at 7:10, one of our hens crowed. Several times. Enough that I could call my husband to the door and have him bear witness. No question about it: she was crowing. And in case you're thinking that a rooster had sneaked into the hen house under cover of darkness: 1. chickens don't sneak around in the dark; they go to sleep, and 2. our four hens are checked up on and locked in safely by me every night before I go to bed.

No, it was definitely a hen crowing. And she, whoever she is, is not turning into a rooster, because yesterday there were four eggs in the nest, one per hen. Of course, she could be turning into a rooster that lays eggs....

Around our place, you never know.